Gap year — I really should have taken it.

In two months-ish I will be turning 23.

On the grand scheme of things, I do realize that it really isn’t that much. But I would be lying if I said I’m not freaking out.

The origin of my worries came from my recent realization that I have no sweet clue what I want to do with my life. That is extremely scary for someone like me who always has a detailed plan(or more like plans) coupled with a gigantic spreadsheet of necessary information and pathways.

It all started at the beginning of 2019 when I started realizing that I might not have liked the career path I was on as much as I had wanted to. Then I spent nine more months secretly exploring other options until I landed my eyes on the possibility of a career in tech or maybe some kinds of health profession?

In September 2019, I quit the job and came back to school to start a concurrent degree in computer science and science.

I am sure nobody would disagree with me when I say that coming back to school as a “mature” student is hard — whether that may be learning how to be a student again, not having classmates that understand what you are doing through and so on. But for me, so far, the most difficult thing isn’t what I thought it would be. I find it isn’t all too bad re-learning how to study and not having a steady income.

The hardest thing I have to go through is listening to people talk about the opinions they have on my choices. I have heard it all...

“You will regret this…”

“You’re wasting money, time, resources…”

“Why don’t you try to find a career path that works with your last degree…”

“I told you, a liberal arts degree is useless …”

“You can’t survive a STEM career, you are the artsy type…”

The list goes on.

Since September, it has been an overflowing river of advice, good intentions, and sometimes snappy comments. Some have been keeping my doubtful self up at night and some I just can’t care any less.

After all, I barely regret any of the choices I made in the past. I made the best possible path out of what I knew best, at the time. But if I had to do it all again, there is one thing I would change.

I should have taken a gap year when I was coming out of high school.

I might not be in this situation if I have taken an appropriate amount of time to get to know myself and consider all of my options. Looking back now, expecting the 16-year-old me to decide what I wanted to do for the rest of my life seems a little bit unreasonable and truly is the only thing I regret.